THE SHELVING SONG
(sung to the tune of “Monday, Monday)

Library, Library, you misunderstood me 
Library shelving, it was all I feared it would be 
Oh Library shelving, Library shelving couldn't guarantee 
That each book was where it always should be.

Library, Library,  let’s do a display 
Library, Library, sometimes it just turns out that way 
Oh Library shelving, you gave me no warnin' of what was to be 
Oh Library shelving, how could fall right on top of me? 

Every other bay, every other bay 
Every other bay of the library is fine, yeah 
But whenever shelving comes, but whenever shelving comes 
A-you can find me whining all of the time 

Library, Library, you misunderstood me 
Library shelving, it was all I feared it would be 
Oh Library shelving, Library shelving couldn't guarantee 
That each book was where it always should be.
 
 

THE REFERENCE DESK SONG
(sung to the tune of “What a Wonderful World”)

I see Theresa Green, Reg Roses too 
I see them borrowing, for me and you 
As around the computer, I am twirled; 

I see books of blue and pages white 
The Library Open Day, the research at night 
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world 

Forget the TV gameshow, the answers we supply 
Are in the books you people, always leave awry;  
Feel free to borrow, all our pencils too -
Don’t think we don’t know, when your book’s overdue. 

I can see from your look, you want to know 
Where the books are, that aren’t ‘on show’; 
And I think that you're from the dark underworld.
Yes, I’m glad that all the old books got hurled. 

SONG TO CHEER UP A COLLEAGUE
(sung to the tune of “Bridge Over Troubled Water”)

When you're weary,
And want to bawl,
When tears are in your eyes,
I’ll take you to the mall;
We know you tried.
When times get rough
And you need words profound,
Like a bridge over troubled water
We’ll go to town.

 

TIDYING UP SONG
(sung to the tune of “Amazing Grace”)

Appraising space, we look around,
It seems we all agree;
The planning here is quite unsound
It’s time to clear debris.

‘Twas space that needed to be clear,
and space could be achieved;
how soon that space did appear
when of junk, we were relieved.

BOOK COVERING SONG
(Sung to the tune of “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”)

The problem is all inside your head, she said to me 
The answer is easy if you take it logically 
I'd like to help you, but only if you agree;
There must be fifty ways to change the cover. 

She said it's really not my habit to intrude 
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued 
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude 
There must be fifty ways to change the cover 
Fifty ways to change the cover. 

You just snip off the slack, Jack 
That overlaps the book, Brook,
Make sure everything’s smooth, Merv,
Offcuts in the trash can, Stan 
Some tape you employ, Roy 
Don’t disagree; 
Fold it thus, Gus 
Turn to the side, Clyde,
You don't need to discuss much -
Hold it down with your knee, Lee 
And cut the irritability. 

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain 
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again 
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain 
About the fifty ways to change the cover.

She said I’m trying very hard to keep being polite, 
But you’re just covering a book, if that’s alright;
And then she kicked me and I realized she probably was right 
There must be fifty ways to change a cover. 
Fifty ways to change a cover. 

SONG FOR CIRCULATION DESK
(sung to the tune of “On the Good Ship Lollipop”)
 

At the library, not the local book shop,
It’s a quite hip,
To use the book drop,
And overdues you pay,
Before you take other books away.

Magazine stands everywhere,
But just beware
Of where you are, 
Or we bid you “au revoir”.

At the library, not the local book shop,
It’s a quite hip,
To use the book drop,
And overdues you pay,
Before you take other books away.

SONG FOR BOOK RESTORATION
(Sung to tune of “Moon River”)

Tome ripper, we think you’re vile,
Yes, I’m hostile, I’ll find you some day,
Oh risk taker, you rule breaker,
Wherever you’re goin’, I’ll find a way,
Split shifters, off to fix the books,
There’s such a lot of books to fix. 

We’ve got the books to mend,
Waitin’ round the bend,
We really like to pretend, 
Tome Ripper, we’ll apprehend. 

SONG FOR BOOK REVIEWERS
(Sung to the tune of “Blue Suede Shoes”)

Well, it's one for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
now go, cat, go.
But don't you step on my
Book Reviews.
You can do anything but lay
off of my book reviews.
Well, you can knock me down,
step in my face,
slander my name all over the place.
Do anything that you want to do,
but uh-uh,
honey, lay off of my reviews
Don't you step on my Book Reviews

SONG FOR CULLING/DESELECTION/WEEDING
(Sung to the tune “Only Women Bleed”).

Manager’s got his librarian to do the weed,
He's got the power - oh
Although she disagreed.
She does what she’s told, though she’s no great fan
She feeds his ego, as part of her long term plan.

She cries alone at night too often
He networks and writes when not takin’ a phone call
Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed
 

Manager’s makes your hair gray
He makes your back ache,
All you're really looking for is an even break

He lies right at you
You know you hate this game
More staffing, better budget, just more of the same.

 
She cries alone at night too often
He networks and writes when not takin’ a phone call
Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed


Black eyes all of the time
Don't spend a dime
Clean up this grime
And you there down on your knees begging him please come
Watch me weed

Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed
Only librarians weed