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BURNS: What's to know? Catalog and shelve in Scottish literature.
CHECK PULSE: Make sure there's a clean hanky or tissues, perfume plus lipstick, at least one credit card, the mobile phone is fully charged, and enough cash for a taxi home. No, wait ... that's checking a purse.
CHECK CIRCULATION: Very dependent on your library management software. If in doubt, check the manual or help files. Print out weekly and monthly statistics, collate, bind and file. Dust once a year.
SNARK BITE: You should have gotten rid of the person responsible years ago, but theres no point whining now. Treat casualty with sympathy and kindness. Administer pay rise immediately and transport to nearest holiday resort.
CHOKING: Remove the hands from around the casualtys throat. If this isnt possible, administer 4 hard, sharp slaps between the shoulder blades of the person doing the choking.
PUNCTURE WOUNDS: Pack with sterile lint. If object is still protruding, then pad around with a donut shape to minimize movement. Use a plain, rather than iced, donut.
SHOCK: Remember that signs of shock may not immediately be apparent. Symptoms include nausea, confusion and restlessness. If casualty is drowsy, allow them to sleep. Your library is probably already full of shock cases, judging by the number of confused and sick people already there. Not to mention the number of people sleeping in the reading room.
HYPOTHERMIA: If one of your patrons worked themselves into a lather, running around doing research (you know, the sort where you take maybe 3 books off the shelf rather than sit in front of a computer for 4 hours), you need to take them to a cool place. Generally around the 700s is good for most people, near the shelf with contemporary music. But be careful here. This is where your ability to make instant judgment calls is vital. Some patrons will find Space Exploration or Computers pretty cool, whilst others could be treated with a magazine on either off-road vehicles or nail-art.
PARTLY CONSCIOUS MULTIPLE CASUALTIES: This is your library board. Try to raise the levels of awareness, but beware of possible injuries to yourself that can be caused by the swinging arms and kicking legs if they come out of their semi-comatose state.
APATHY, IRRATIONAL BEHAVIOR, CLUMSINESS, IRRITABILITY, LOSS OF MEMORY, OR ANXIETY: Is this library staff or patrons were talking about here? Not that it really matters - no real treatment available. Just accept that this is usual for people in libraries.
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