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ISSN 1445-9124 Teacher Librarians | Library Media Specialists | School Librarians | Librarians with Attitude
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Technologia: April 6, 2020 The Government Education Corporation, in a bid to boost stock prices for its Schools Portfolio, has released the ultimate portal for students' research needs. will reside on the government's education server, and provide students with all the necessary links to required information.

Having completed rigorous beta-testing, the website has received rave reviews from the survey group of senior students. "Rooly Kool" was the emailed comment received from no less than 88 of the 90 students used in the test sample. The remaining 2 comments were "IMHO ROFL" and "fentistec".
Parent groups were also surveyed. They confirmed that the students seemed be heavily engrossed in the website on nights before research assignments were due, and therefore must be getting good information from the portal.

It appears that only teachers remain unimpressed. An official spokesperson from the Teacher Protection Group stated that there was no discernible change in the quality of research being submitted for assessment.
Justin Thyme, media spokesperson for the corporation, stated that many millions of research dollars had been spent in ensuring the students were equipped with the best possible resource to suit their needs.

At the Media Launch of the portal, Thyme produced collations of cached sites that had been gathered from Internet-enabled computers in school libraries.

"Clearly, this is the material most used by students to support their studies", Thyme stated. Future additions to the website will include music downloads and links for online dating, as these were also shown to be highly used areas of the Internet.


March 8, 2001: Tinytown
In an unprecedented attack on innocent youth, the teacher librarian at Tinytown High School has posted out overdue notices to students of the school with outstanding library loans.

Asked why she felt it necessary to terrorise the community with thinly veiled threats of library fines, the teacher librarian [name withheld pending legal action] stated that it was "not an unusual procedure; many schools do this on a regular basis".

However, when pressed for the names of other teacher librarians who repeated this despicable act, the teacher librarian refused to be a whistle-blower.
Local police interviewed the principal of the school following complaints by parents of harassment. Mr Courtney Fische, a spokesman for the school, stated that the principal was too upset to comment, but read from a prepared statement.

Fische quoted from the official Handbook that "in cases of longstanding overdue books, the librarian may use professional judgement in contacting the parents and guardians of the students".
A parent of one of the victims, who asked to be remain ambiguous, sobbed as she told the story of how she opened the mail that morning, only to discover that things had gone terribly wrong at the school. "The book is only 26 months overdue, and I think that the fact that its only one volume of a 30 set encyclopedia should be taken into account. How would you like to have to cough up $6.50 for a lousy library book?"

"I've had three children go through that school, and nothing like this has ever happened before", the parent added, "after all, they've got the other 29 volumes."

It is believed that up to 6 overdue notices may have been posted. Investigations are continuing.

School Students Huddle in Terror

Somewhereville: July 12, 2001 Unparalleled in the history of terrorism, students at Somewhere Valley Comprehensive School were forced to barricade themselves in classrooms, whilst the school's teacher librarian wheeled a trolley of books up to the door and knocked.

The vehicle was heavily laden with a class set of dictionaries, a selection of quality literature, and a large unidentified box, believed to possibly contain brochures on conducting online research.

As the S.W.A.T. team closed in and disarmed the librarian, she tried to justify this act by stating that she thought that it would be helping the students to access the resources.
Seasoned law enforcement officers were sickened by this blatant confession, many having to receive first aid treatment from the school's First Aid Lady. Taken to the sick bay for a bandaid and an icepack, some of the officers had their mothers phoned to pick them up and take them home.

Claude Backe, a spokesman for the education authority, stated that steps were being taken to ensure that "this sort of thing never happens again", and added that all book trolleys would be removed from school libraries immediately.
"If this sort of thing is allowed to happen, we will have children reading all over the place, and the resultant outbreak of literacy may be unstoppable", Backe emphasised.

It is believed that the unfortunate incident may have been provoked by reading instructions on how to make a school "bookmobile" on a library website. Fears were expressed by members of teaching organisations worldwide that this may not be an isolated incident.

The teacher librarian was removed in a padded van, and court action will be delayed pending psychiatric examination.

Metrolopis: November 3, 2000 16 year old Damien Galah, a student of Metropolis College, sat ashen faced before members of the mass media. His story was one of terror, his classmates rallying around him for support.

The day started for Damien much as any other. Arriving late for school, kicking over a full garbage bin on the way to class, the usual playground roughhousing at recess, and the mandatory visit to the school principal at the start of lunchtime to have his conduct card signed.

But Damien's 20 minutes of terror started just after the "half-lunch" bell. Having an assignment due the next day, and only having been given 6 weeks to complete it, Damien went to the library for some books.
Approaching the librarian, he gave him a copy of his assignment, and asked for the books. There was no way Damien could have known the librarian would ask him where he had already looked.

Being taken to the OPACs and shown how to do a search was not on Damien's agenda, but clearly the librarian had ulterior motives.

An explanation of the research cycle followed. This inhumane treatment continued, with online databases then being flashed before him.
For a young man who had only wanted the books handed to him, Damien was close to breaking point.

When questioned by the media, Damien stated that he believed that the librarian had a history of this type of abuse. Unfortunately, there wasn't anyone coherent enough to support the allegation.

Sarah Bellum, the school counsellor, was inundated with other students in an outbreak of mass hysteria. Other counsellors were brought to the school, and a counselling hotline set up.

Ms Bellum said that she had previously counselled students after they had been asked for their borrowing cards by the library staff.

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