click here to return to front page
ISSN 1445-9124 The Zine for Librarians that refuse to be classified
Read the Disclaimer

Search this site

Site Map

Humour Index


Librarian's Diversions

Librarianship Journals

Fun Stuff

Controversy Corner


Archived Feedback

Recommended Links


Created and Maintained by: A.B. Credaro
Updated August 27, 2002


On opening up the library first thing in the morning: Ista libraria odet malissimum! Estne libri decadentes aut patrones?*** This library stinks. It must be all the mouldy books - or is it the patrons?
For patron offering lame excuses about a damaged book: Re vera, cara mea, mea nil refert. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
Patron:"You said that I could have [...] today. You even wrote it down in that book. This is the third time I've asked for it. I want to see someone in charge." Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure. I can't hear you. I have a banana in my ear.
Patron: "I can't find it. It wasn't where you said it was." Stultus est licut stultus facit. Stupid is as stupid does.
Patron queries directions numerous times: Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi? Baby, Sweetheart, would I lie to you?
Previous patron returns, asks same question again: Puto vos esse molestissimos. I think that you are very annoying.
This book sucks. Nullus est liber tam malus ut non aliqua parte prosit. There is no book so bad that it is not profitable in some part.(Pliny Minor)
On sending out overdue notices: Lege atque lacrima. Read 'em and weep
On having to eject a patron: Es debilem vinculum, vale! You're the weakest link, goodbye!
On being confronted by a huge backlog of cataloging/shelving/processing/etc: Veni, vidi, volo in domum redire. I came, I saw, I want to go home.
In response to having a mistake pointed out to you: Nemo mortalium omnibus horis sapit. No mortal is wise all the time.
In response to general abuse or name-calling: Nihil est - in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui. That's nothing - in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.
To obnoxious young patrons: Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem. In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags.
To obnoxious older patrons: Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris. If Caesar were alive, you'd be chained to an oar.
To anyone complaining about your use of latin: Vah! Denuone Latine loquebar? Me ineptum. Interdum modo elabitur. Oh! Was I speaking Latin again? Silly me. Sometimes it just sort of slips out.
To anyone responding in Latin: Abutebaris modo subjunctivo. You've been misusing the subjunctive.
On being repremanded by the boss for using Latin to abuse patrons: Diabolus fecit, ut id facerem! The devil made me do it!
Biblia's Tagline for emails: Orationem pulchram non habens, scribo ista linea in lingua Latina.*** Lacking anything witty to say, instead I offer this tagline in Latin

Note: Revera linguam latinam vix cognovi.
***This translation curtesy of Fredrik the Latinist.

Sitemap | Humour Index |