Harry truants from his Dark Arts class, and refuses to do any more homework. When interviewed by Dumbledore, Harry demands a more relevant curriculum and is sent to the library to cool off. Madam Pince objects to Harry calling her "Irma Bunhead" and suspends his borrowing rights.

At Harry's 21st birthday party, Hermione is found making out with Dobby the House Elf when both were under the influence of Magic Mushrooms. The relationship stumbles along for a few more months, until Harry decides he prefers to hang out in bars with Ron, rather than shop for shoes with Hermione.

Harry is contacted by the Salvation Army, who has located Harry's previously unknown sibling. Deciding that this is Voldemort's trickery, Harry destroys his brother, only to find out later that Voldemort was not involved. Getting off with a Temporary Insanity plea, Harry sells his story to the National Enquirer.

Utilising his interpersonal and intrapersonal skills, Harry sets up a PR business. Seeing that Hagrid is not reaching his full potential at Hogwarts, Harry arranges for an image consultant to take Hagrid to the barbers. Dressed in an Armarni suit, Hagrid is hired by the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Animals to re-write their policy and procedures manual. After 3 months in the job, Hagrid is head-hunted by the Ministry of Magic to head their new branch office in Tasmania.

After a number of year of marriage, Harry and Hermione split up when Cedric Diggory's cousin meets Hermione at a Swiss health resort. Harry rents the back room at the Leaky Cauldron, and becomes an alcoholic.

Following a successful AA program, Harry has now married a muggle. With the alimony payments to Hermione, the repayments on the loan for his Ollivander Wand Shop Franchise, plus the house mortgage, Harry struggles to put 3 kids through school.

An aging Potter decides to use his powers to improve the lot of the elderly, and forms the splinter group - Poor but Healthy, Elderly Wizards and Witches (PHEWW). Running for congress, Harry finds that the dastardly deeds of his fellow politicians makes Voldemort seem like quite a reasonable chap.

Harry meets up with Neville Longbottom at the Queerditch Marsh Home for the Aged. After spending 665 pages reminiscing, he gets Alzheimer's and rambles on for another 236 pages, then dies.