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Created and Maintained by
A.B. Credaro
August 2, 2002
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HOW TO WRITE A BOOK
| The best method of writing a book is to wait for a publisher to commission a book from you. If this doesn't happen, use the following easy steps. Do not be in too much of a hurry, and allow times indicated. |
1. Come up with an idea.
- Original is best, but you can use a formula (not one you learnt at school in science or math)
- Allow 1 to 50 years
2. Locate a publisher
- Look for an established company who is desperate
- Bypass any you have heard of - they won't be interested
- Allow 2 hours
3. Email publishers with outline of idea
- Include a working title ("Gone with the Wind" has already been used)
- "Sell" yourself by establishing your credentials (leave out your prison record, unless it relates to your book's theme)
- Allow 10 minutes
4. Wait to hear back from publishers
- Check email every half hour
- Check regular mail box every 2 hours
- Once a day, ask neighbors to check their boxes
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years
5. Write manuscript
- On Paper - use clear font, wide spacing, single sided paper
- Digitally - use clear font, double spaced, single sided computer
- Dictated - use clear voice, speak slowly, use single sided microphone
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years
6. Sign Contracts
- Check commission rate - do not expect 50%
- Check royalty payment periods - some pay once a year, others quarterly. No-one will pay you every week, unless your name is Rowling
- Check tax arrangements
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years - depending on your tax arrangements
7. Mail manuscript
- Electronically - although the whole manuscript will take large chunck of the publisher's bandwidth and may crash their system. That's if you can get your emailing client to actually send it, and your ISP allows 20 MB transfers
- By snail mail, which is charged by weight. Best to save onto disk, rather than post your whole computer
- Allow 2 hours plus postage and parking fees
8. Wait for publisher feedback
- Check email every half hour
- Check regular mail box every 2 hours
- Once a day, ask neighbors to check their boxes
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years
9. Re-write specified parts
- The proof readers will have corrected your spelling and grammar. You will have to only correct theme, plot, setting, and character development.
- Allow 2 pages to 50 chapters
10. Mail revised manuscript
- Electronically - although the whole manuscript will take large chunck of the publisher's bandwidth and may crash their system. That's if you can get your emailing client to actually send it, and your ISP allows 20 MB transfers
- By snail mail, which is charged by weight. Best to save onto disk, rather than post your whole computer
- Or send print version
- Allow 2 hours plus postage and parking fees
11. Email distributor(s)
- Ask about publicity events, promotional opportunities, interviews, press releases, TV coverage, and gratuities
- Allow 60 hours over 2 weeks
12. Wait for updates from publishers
- Check email every half hour
- Check regular mail box every 2 hours
- Once a day, ask neighbors to check their boxes
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years
13. Wait for updates from distributors
- Check email every other half hour
- Check regular mail box every other 2 hours
- Twice a day, ask neighbors to check their boxes
- Allow 2 weeks to 5 years
14. Check book page-proofs from publishers
- Look at cover design, font sizing, text additions, text omissions, pagination, headings, graphic placement and overall layout
- Allow 2 to 5 minutes
15. Provide feedback
- Complain about cover design, font sizing, text additions, text omissions, pagination, headings, graphic placement and overall layout
- Allow 16 hours
16. Email Feedback
17. Reflect
- Realise that you are dealing with professionals who know what they are doing, and you've been an idiot
- This will take less than 1 second
18. Review
- Write new letter in which you try to convince publishers that someone has stolen your email identity, and that the communication from (15) above was not from you
- Save to "Draft" email file
- Allow 6 hours
19. Decide
- What is a suitable length of time you should wait before you email (18) above?
- Allow at least 3 days - or it looks suspicious
20. Formulate Action Plan
- Decide that you'll look like an even bigger jerk if you send (18) above
- Allow 1 day
21. Act
- Go to Draft email file to remove (18) above, and click on wrong button, sending the email instead of deleting it
- This will happen in less than 1 second
22. Think quickly
- Email publisher asking if they just got your email with the chapter sample for your next book, on Internet crime
- Allow less than 5 minutes - otherwize it looks suspicious
23. Relax
- Sit back and hope you make enough in royalty payments to cover postage and parking fees
- Allow 6 to 60 months
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