Do not attempt to read this journal whilst operating heavy machinery or prior to undergoing major surgery. It is not intended for younger readers, or those suffering from Humor Deficit Disorder. If you require any assistance in decoding the sub-text, you may need to consult a mental health-care professional.
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COOKWARE-ON-HEAD LIBRARY DAY
Photograph improperly used in news item
Here is the first photo for the most unusual library promotion of the year, if not the decade. Or possibly the century; millenium even. (Except for the British "Libraries: Brothels of the Mind" effort, which would be pretty hard to beat.)
Adam Nicols and www.sln.org.uk/geography kindly granted permission for the use of this photo, which shows British Adam in a bookshop in Iceland. Nicols' friend Chris Durbin, the Geography Inspector for the Staffordshire Education Service originally displayed this graphic on his website. Durbin, who also runs myth-busting classes, pointed out that Vikings didn't have horned helmets. He went on to suggest a number of suitable captions, all of which were arrogantly ignored. As usual.
Whilst not strictly speaking "cookware", this photo is the current leader in the WLW competition. It was obviously taken in a book-related environment. And the headgear probably is not standard issue equipment for a lot of libraries or bookshops. But most importantly, it is the winning photo to date as it's currently the only one ...
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Hearing little voices
The world's "largest auditionable [sic] sound effects, music sounds and music tracks library", containing over 250,000 pieces of noise from over 60 other sound libraries, has just gotten bigger. Welcome to The Sound-Effects-Library.com.
Pictured is Lloyd Billing (Managing Director), "recording the unique sounds of Locks Hatter, the oldest hattery in the world." Unfortunately it would have cost £3.99 - £6.50 ($7.46 - $12.15) to hear the actual sound itself, so we're only guessing what a hattery might sound like ...
...No more to read here >>LITERARY TRAVELS
Book tours with a difference
Any travelling librarian will know the challenges of having a different itinerary to their luggage. And sometimes it seems you might as well book your bags on their own ticket. Then stay at home yourself and wait for a postcard from your valise.
But 1000 Journals has saved you the legwork. They've released into the wild 1000 blank books for people to add their comments, wit, drawings, coffee cup stains, and whatever else.
The website shows which books are where; you can view scans of some of the pages, get stats, and instructions on how to get in line for a journal by contacting someone who is holding one.
Unfortunately, there are only 999 in circulation. It seems that it's not only in libraries that books go missing ...
...No more to read here >>LIBRARY SECURITY
Not so friendly felines
The next generation of library cats will not be as cute and cuddly as in the past. Genetically modified to deter library thefts, the new breed will have cyborg capabilities that will render security gates obsolete.
Library patrons should be warned that fluffies such as Cojo (pictured) will tear to shreds anyone attempting to take materials without the appropriate procedures having been completed. Then eat the evidence ...
...No more to read here >>STEREOTYPE BUSTING
Don't try this at home
Meet Joe Amato of Tatts Taylors Tattoos in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. On St. Patricks Day this year he performed an eyelid piercing on his friend Kevin Magee. Obviously not a very good friend. At least, not any more.
Preliminary enquiries reveal that neither Amato nor Magee are in any way employed in any field of library science or literature, although both seem to have finished high school.
Once again it has been demonstrated that given the opportunity, human ingenuity can overcome basic intelligence. Is it possible to take stereotype busting too far? Yes ...
...No more to read here >>BUDGET AUGMENTATION
Librarians who might have been hoping to win the one million dollar prize offered for proving the Reimann hypothesis will need to move quickly.
A Purdue University mathematician, Louis de Branges de Bourcia, claims to have proven the Riemann hypothesis and has published his findings on a website, rather than wait for publication in a print journal.
According to the Purdue University press release, de Branges invites other mathematicians to examine his efforts. However, librarians don't appear to be specifically excluded from that invitation.
After all, what is a mathematician going to do with a million bucks? Buy pencils? ...
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Much discussion has occurred concerning a possible definition of what constitutes "quality" in relation to literature. The newly-formed WLW Classics Division undertook this major project in the journalistic spirit of fast, shallow and inaccurate, and dug out Halldor Laxness' Independent People, first published in 1946.
Laxness was born near Reykjavik, Iceland in 1902, with his first novel being published when he was seventeen. According to the forward to the book, he is the "undisputed master of contemporary Icelandic fiction and one of the outstanding novelists of the [20th] century". Plus, he was awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature, even.
The introduction by Brad Leithauser is an abridged version of a review originally written for The New York Review of Books, and runs to 26 pages. Goodness knows how long the original review was. Leithauser goes into great detail about the characters, plot, setting, various themes and subthemes, and just about everything else. After 26 pages of this amount of detail, there didn't seem much point in reading the actual book ...
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MORE ORIGINAL HUMOR
Research has shown that the average librarian will take 10 to 15 minutes to read this web page. Anecdotal evidence is suggesting that many librarians fear they do not have enough time to investigate the humor links. The majority of the 90+ original library humor items (all written by Biblia, and not available anywhere else on the 'net) in the Humor Index are designed to take less than 2 minutes to read.
However, if you choose to hang around there for hours reading them all, then re-reading them, then WLW cannot take any responsibility. You now have the choice of using the genetically unmodified Alphabetical Index or the dolphin-safe Dewey Version. Caffeine-free version has been temporarily canned, pending an FDA investigation ...
MOST POPULAR BIBLIA PAGES TO DATE:
MASS MEDIA: Although Ingram Library Services Further Developments may not be a mass media publication, strictly speaking, at least they run a good story ...
ACADEMIA: There are now 51 institutions that have a link to Warrior Librarian on their web sites, including the Tasmanian Department of Education ...
INTERNET: Google now lists more than 3,000 hits for a search on the phrase "warrior librarian". Not that we check regularly or anything ...
FROM THE MAILBOX: Many thanks to all those organizations and individuals who continue to offer us cheap valium. We didn't realize that the need was so obvious ...
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International Cookware-on-Head Library Day; August 2, 2004. Send your photographs to WLW for a chance to win an autographed poster.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
In the interests of information dissemination, WLW is proud to share part of the rich cultural heritage of Australia. This Sporting Life is the website of sports commentary heros Roy Slaven and H.G. Nelson. Still under construction, but worth book marking for the future ...
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Following a trial where the defendant's library borrowing record was produced as evidence of his unbalanced state of mind, The New York Times advises owners of home libraries to get rid of anything that you wouldn't want produced in court ...
A word of caution for people undertaking online degrees. The Jim Thorpe Area School District will demand reimbursement from a high school librarian for the cost of doctoral degree she earned from an unaccredited online university. School directors said the degrees created a credibility issue...
Microsoft NZ this month launched its Unlimited Potential programme to encourage computer literacy. The first grant of $200,000 will be split 50/50 between cash and software donations, but dont include the time spent by Microsoft staff and partners in training and assistance...
Meanwhile, across the ditch in Australia, Microsoft launched its Partners in Learning program in an effort to 'win the hearts and minds of [Australian] teachers'. The K-12 drive will compete for influence with rival open-source oriented groups such as Sun Microsystems that sells its StarOffice productivity suite to schools at a nominal cost ...
Whilst a U.S. school librarian faces 9 years for 'improper sexual relations' with a student, a 57-year-old librarian who was a former priest has been charged with 14 counts of indecent assault and two counts of sexual intercourse with a young person under the age of 17 during the 1970's ...
What's happened to cross-sectorial cooperation and mutual support mechanisms? The Association (SLA) has formed a new Competitive Intelligence Division, the 24th professional interest network within its membership ...
Matt Short, 14, made a coat out of duct tape. Youthful hi-jinx? No, it was the result of Tates Creek Library's duct tape contest, which drew 36 entries from children, teenagers and adults ...
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from Hotmail Texas, who stated that s/he does not work in a library, writes via the guestbook in regard to the WLW New Alphabet:
omg that is §O0O00 freaking stupid why in tha world would u change the alphabet thats ridiculous and retarded ur gay who evr thought of that u gay wad!!omg u freaks!u know how many young kids are gonna get confused by that?!?!and its all ur fault u gay people!
In response to this witty and succint appraisal, the Warrior Librarian would like to respond; It's a joke, moron.
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